Fifty Ways to Leave Your Leader

Labour Home have a fine reworking of Paul Simon's 50 ways to leave your lover.

" "The problem is all in No. 10" said Clarke softly,

"The plan can be easy if we make it confidentially,

We need Brown Balls and all that crew gone if we are to be free",

There must be fifty ways to dump our leader.

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She said "it's really not my habit to intrigue,

Furthermore, I hope you'll never put any more stuff on YouTube,

But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being smeared,

There must 50 ways do dump our leader",

Fifty ways to dump our leader.

_____________

Just slip in the front, Jack

Say: "Make a new plan Gord:

You don't deserve to be Pee, Emm

Just jump over-board."

_____________

Just openly pillory, Hillary

Attack him with pith, Smith

You'll make him cry tears, Blears

So listen to me.

_____________

Stab him in the back, Jack

Just use your Machete, Yvette

Alas, we're forsooth, Ruth

You have to agree.

_____________

Roll him up in a rug, Doug

You don't need to discuss much...

Then drop him off the quay, see

And get us all free.

_____________

I told you that he lacked any personal empathy,

That if we picked him he would be an electoral liability,

And as it happens, he is also a human Macavity,

With nifty ways to smear his rivals.

_____________

So publish a screed, Reid

Just tell him to feck it, Beckett

You tell him he's flunked it, Blunett

And tell him to flee.

_____________

Set up some pyres, Byers

Protect your balls, Balls

We need something to pee on, Sion

Let's watch them Byrne.

_____________

He said why don't we just wait 'till June of Twenty-Ten,

Then the Tories can come in and screw us all again,

And then I Glasgow Kissed him and I realised that Brown was just like Ken,

There must me fifty ways to dump our leader,

Some nifty ways to dump our leader.

_____________

Its time to get hacky Jacqui,

The knife's yours to wield, Field

The party is skint, Flint

Its bad for our chi.

_____________

Were in too much pain, Hain

A revolver and brandy, Mandy

Don't think of the bairns, Cairns

Just take back the key.

_____________

Tell him he blew it, Hewitt

He's lamb dressed as mutton, Hutton

And stop looking sullen, Mullen

It's all up to you.

_____________

So call the bell ringer, Stringer

Start singing the hymns, Timms

Ask not for whom the polls, toll

The polls toll for him."