Eurovision 2009

Come back Terry Wogan, Graham Norton is not half the man you are...

Now the entrants:
01 - Lithuania - Someone has been listening to Queen's "We are the Champions" - Not a chance
02 - Israel - Quite tuneful and nice sentiments but there is a lot of anti-Semitism in Eastern Europe, not to mention Turkey, Western Europe and let's be honest most everywhere in Eurovision land - Not a chance
03 - France - French chanteuse time, I prefer Vanessa Paradis - Mrs NotaSheep says "too depressing" - Top half, no higher
04 - Sweden - Nice voice, it's Ulrika Johnssen - is this a parody, Mrs NotaSheep thinks she's a masculine Ulrika - Bottom 10
05 - Croatia - What a simpering smile, Mrs NotaSheep says she feels she's in a Greek Taverna, I agree (one where you wish the singing "entertainment" would go and sing at another table) - Lot of "product" on his hair, not moving at all whilst his groups are all over the place - I do hope not a win - Bottom 10
06 - Portugal - It's Mama Cass reborn, OK slimmer but not as good a voice, very happy percussionist and nice stage floor - Top 10
07 - Iceland - Good call on the 1987 bridesmaid dress Graham Norton, Great backdrop images and nice song, decent voice as well, not sure about the curtain pulls under her right armpit - Top 10
08 - Greece - Very stagy, bit Fame re-born, catchy, not my thing but will do well - Top 5
09 - Armenia - Vamps on tour, like a poor Bollywood song, seemed much longer than any other song - Bottom 5
10 - Russia - Oh...oh dear, bit of a highly strung girl - on merit bottom 5, on Eurovision politics top 5
11 - Azerbaijan - very Balkan Eurovision, odd right stocking, written to win using the secret Eurovision formula, sounds like a song from every contest for the last 20 years - Top 5
12 - Bosnia & Herzegovina - They supported the Rolling Stones! Not my cup of tea "a nothing song" says Mrs NotaSheep - Middle 10
Funny Russian police, is there a Russian word for irony?
13 - Moldova - What's she got written on the palm of her left hand? Nice pantomime principal boy purple boots, dull - Passed caring
14 - Malta - Nice voice, no unnecessary gimmicks, I am not a big ballad fan but this is fine - I'd say top 5
15 - Estonia - Another nothing song, will I make it to the voting -
[Just noticed that Iain Dale is also live blogging Eurovosion... - Top 10
16 - Denmark - Very Boyzone, not my thing but could be a proxy Ireland winner - Top 5
17 - Germany - It's Dita Von Teese time, catchy song, bit reminiscent of something else, more restrained clothing than in the rehearsals from DVT... see the link for details, Graham thought that was a low point, I disagree, my favourite so far - Top 10
18 - Turkey - Wicked mini bus driver gaga Graham but accurate, amazing staging and fairly catchy - Top 5
19 - Albania - Man in Green, two midgets and a young blonde singer, it can only be Eurovision, a break-dancing midget hmmm, OK but not a winner - Not top 10
20 - Norway - oh good country dancing, very bushy eyebrows, quickly into the catchy chorus, another formulaic Eurovision song, why doesn't he have matching cloured hair and eyebrows? I find this irritating and dull so it will probably win - Top 5
[That is one hell of a bow on that dress]
21 - Ukraine - "Anti Crisis Girl" - That's one heck of a set, were Spinal Tap involved? Not sure what the semi-clad gay stripperesque Centurians are doing there or what any of this is about but it's watchable if only to see what is going to happen next, "you are sexy bum, really sexy bum"? I have just had my "what the hell was that!" moment, my favourite but I fear it won't win - Top 10
22 - Romania - It has been a very short dress evening this year, lots of legs (not that I am complaining), boring Eurovision tripe, that dance looks like a bad hen-night - Probably be top 10 but should be disqualified for the fake singer trick
[I need a drink]
23 - UK - "Everybody hates us and we don't care" - Not heard this before... Very Andrew Lloyd Webber and classy, very nice voice, quite catchy and performance is blessedly gimmick free but are we still hated by the rest of Europe? - I'd say in my top 5 but probably will finish top 10 at best
24 - Finland - We want Lordi, we want Lordi, What! Atomik Kitten meets Vanilla Ice, what are the jugglers for? - Bottom 10
25 - Spain - Another blonde from a dark haired country, why? Another formulaic Eurovision song and more short skirts, not that I am complaining, a disappearing singer trick... - Top 5, might even win
[I note that my opinions are somewhat at variance with Iain Dale]

I see that I have picked 8 songs as finishing in the Top 5, probably why I gave up accountancy! Cosmonauts start the voting...

My top 3:
Germany
Ukraine
Turkey

Probable top 5: (not in any order)
Russia
Spain
Norway
Turkey
Azerbaijan

Bookies favourite - Norway


How long until the voting?

Interval entertainment - What? Why? Huge amounts of water in plastic and lights and "electrics" everywhere, Health and Safety? It's grope a wet swimmer time! This is just weird. What is the material used for those "pools"? Bizarre...


The voting system means that I can no longer predict each country's voting pattern...

Spain - 8 to their Portuga;, 10 for UK! 12 to Norway
Belgium - 8 to Israel, 10 to Norway, 12 to Turkey
Belarus - 12 to Russia per chance and 10 to Ukraine? 8 to Russia (not 12!), 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Norway - I am in shock...
Malta - 8 for Norway, 10 for UK (Old allies), 12 for Iceland!
Germany - I predict a lot for Turkey - 8 to UK, Turkey, Norway
Czech Republic - 8 for Russia, 10 for Azerbaijan, 12 for Armenia (the old Warsaw Pact vote)
Sweden - Vaneesa Feltz's daughter? - 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Iceland, 12 to Norway (the Sweden Norway love-in continues)
Iceland - Sweden and Norway I would think - 8 to Finland, 10 to Estonia, 12 to Norway
France - 8 to Norway, 10 to Israel (eh!), 12 to Turkey
Israel - Normally go for Russia, but no... 8 to Armenia, 10 to Iceland, Norway
[It's a walkover]
Russia - ex Warsaw pact countries? - 8 to Estonia, 10 to France!, 12 to Norway
Latvia - That is a seriously hairy chest - 8 to Iceland, 10 to Estonia, 12 to Norway
Montenegro - Balkan solidarity time, 8 to Croatia, 10 to Norway, 12 to Bosnia & Herzgovina (what a shock!)
Andorra - 8 to Iceland, 10 to Norway, 12 to Spain (what a shock, could be the only points...)
Finland - Scandinavia voting, 8 to Norway, 10 to Iceland, 12 to Estonia
Switzerland - 8 to Norway, 10 to Portugal!, 12 to Turkey
Bulgaria - I sense some regional voting - 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Turkey and 12 to Greece (for a change)
Lithuania - Baltic solidarity - 8 to Iceland, 10 to Estonia (told you), 12 to Norway
United Kingdom - Finally something decent for Germany, 8 to Iceland, 10 to Norway, 12 to Turkey - Note to Graham Norton - I liked Germany
Macedonia - easy to predict their top points, 8 to Norway, 10 to Bosnia... and 12 to Turkey
Slovakia - Go on take a guess who they'll give high marks to.... 8 to Bosnia H... (shock!), 10 to Norway and 12 to Estonia ( I was wrong... this 50% panel voting has helped)
Greece - Take a wild guess... 3 to Turkey!, 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Norway and 12 to UK! I may have a kebab tomorrow but then again maybe not
Bosnia & Herzegovina - I remember this idiot from last year - 8 to Israel, 10 to Norway (they have won), 12 to Croatia (huge surprise)
Ukraine - Blimey that's a lot of make-up, 8 to Russia (shock horror), 10 to Azerbaijan (shock horror), 12 to Norway
Turkey - Calm down girl - 8 to Bosnia H..., 10 to Albania, 12 to Azerbaijan
Albania - 8 to UK, 10 to Turkey, 12 to Greece
Serbia - easy one to predict? 8 to UK, 10 to Norway (it's all over), 12 to Bosnia H (what a shock)
Cyprus - What a great English accent, Home Counties? 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Norway, 12 to Greece (12 to Greece what a shock)
Poland - ex Warsaw Pact or maybe not this year, 8 to Estonia, 10 to Ukraine and 12 to Norway
Netherlands - 8 to Turkey (predictable), 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Norway (WHY!)
Estonia - go on take a guess... 8 to Iceland, 10 to Russia, 12 to Norway
Croatia - Balkan solidarity - 8 to Norway, 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Bosnia H.... (told you)
Portugal - The old allies, 8 to Iceland, 10 to UK (told you), 12 to Moldova !
Romania - 8 to Greece, 10 to Iceland, 12 to Moldova (local voting)
Ireland - 8 to Norway, 10 to UK, 12 to Iceland
Denmark - 8 to Azerbaijan, 10 to Iceland, 12 to Norway (what a shock)
Moldova - I think I have an inkling, 8 to Norway, 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Romania (shock)
Slovenia - Tricky (not really) Get a move on, what a pillock - 8 to Denmark, 10 to Bosnia H (surprise), 12 to Norway
[Mrs NotaSheep has been asleep for an hour]
Armenia - Easy to predict (apart from Norway) 8 to Norway, 10 to Greece (of course) and 12 to Russia (I am in shock, not)
Hungary - 8 to Ukraine, 10 to Azerbaijan, 12 to Norway
Azerbaijan - Take a wild guess... Stop posing girl ... 8 to Norway, 10 to Ukraine, 12 to Turkey (what a lack of surprise)
Norway - love the gear..., 8 to Denmark, 10 to Axerbaijan, 12 to Iceland


1. Norway
2. Iceland
3. Azerbaijan
4. Turkey
5. UK


Pre show Ladbrokes odds:
Norway - 4/5
Greece - 11/2
Azerbaijan - 12/1
Turkey (pictured) - 12/1
United Kingdom - 12/1

So Greece under performed, Iceland over-performed and I am off to bed...

To be honest I am glad that I am so out of tune with Eurovision tastes...

For full voting details, in case you want to do some statistical analysis go to the official table or the participants page.