'How about we send 6 top fashion models somewhere for a day. In just their underwear.'

Old Holborn has the plan:

'I'm not happy that UK airports think they can see me, my children and everyone else nude and scan me before I am allowed to travel just because it "might" stop one person setting fire to his shoe.

So the plan is to invite every tabloid and every TV crew in the land to watch 6 fashion models strip to their skimpies at the airport, get on a cheap flight and then fly back again in a day.

I reckon I'll need about £100 a girl to cover the flight and lingerie and I've already spoken to them. They're up for it (no, you cannot have their telephone numbers.)

It isn't illegal, no one is going to get arrested, it will raise the profile of my campaign in Cambridge and embarass our glorious leader and his government with just a few days left before a general election. In every national newspaper and every TV station.

Dig deep, guys, this could be fun. £600 to make Gordon look the proper authoritarian bastard that we know and love in his dying days.'