Lady in Red (special secret snooker words)

Mitchell and Webb are very funny and their snooker commentators are two of my favourite of their characters. They kept up the pretence that there were special secret snooker words to the song "Lady in Red"; then blow me if they didn't perform the song "Table of Reds"...






and here are the lyrics:

"Never seen you looking so shiny as you did tonight
Never seen your baize so tight
You are amazing

I've never seen so many players wonder if the long pot is on
Looking for a little Cann-on
A cut as thin as a thong

And I have never seen such a clearance
Such a clearance of all the pocks in every way
No more safety play

Table of reds
Is dancing with me
Cush to cush

Nothing is wrong
This big pink is on
But where’s the cue ball gone

And I hardly know
To play with stun or side

Never to forget
This shot to nothing life
Never to forget
My Table of Reds"





and here is the live "extended rest" version... with Chris deBurgh himself...






As above and then...

"Never seen you looking so oblong as you did tonight
Never seen your angles so right
You were a table

Never seen so many players tremble when they contemplate you
Chalking 'til their tips turn blue
Shaping for a screw

And I will never need another
I could reach that awkward green if you said yes
I won't need the rest

Table of reds
Is dancing with me
Cush to cush

Nothing is wrong
This big pink is on
But where’s the cue ball gone

And I hardly know
To play with stun or side

Never to forget
This shot to nothing life
Never to forget
My Table of Reds, table of reds..."