Is nothing sacred? What will they ban next?

The Daily Record Scotland's paper of record comes the news that:

'GOVERNMENT officials... have caused a stink after controversially tabling a law to ban FARTING

In order to promote "public decency" the... nation is straining to outlaw the passing of wind in public.

A new bill set to be introduced next week says: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."

The directive has put the wind up some elements of society who have called the measure "unenforceable" but members of the government have advised it be prosecuted along the lines of public urination.

Some have dismissed the ban as hot air but they may find themselves with a mark on their criminal record if the ban passes.'

Before you panic, the country in question is Malawi, not Scotland.