Religion and bears

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students at the University of Minnesota-Duluth. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he exclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from GOD'S HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and in traction, with monitors, and tubes running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "In retrospect, the best way to start may not have been circumcision."



Thanks to Theo Spark for the spot.