Tim Vine is a winner

Despite having a brother (Jeremy) who works at the BBC, I am pleased to report that Tim Vine has won the prestigious 'Dave' channel's Best Joke of the Edinburgh Fringe. The winning joke was this

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

Quite good but the funniest?

The rest of the top 10 best jokes were (my comments in italics):

2. David Gibson (as Ray Green): ''I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.'' - Clever, I think better than Tim Vine's, probably a bit anti-PC though

3. Emo Philips: ''I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.'' - Typical Emo Philips, a good one

4. Jack Whitehall: ''I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.'' - Very old gag

5. Gary Delaney: ''As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.'' - Like it

6. John Bishop: ''Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.'' - Topical but not that funny

7. Bo Burnham: ''What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.'' - Sick but amusing

8. Gary Delaney: ''Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.'' - Very good, my favourite of the top 10

9. Robert White: ''For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.'' - Not any more she has had a gastric band fitted - Sorry for that display of Vanessa Feltz knowledge

10. Gareth Richards: ''Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub.'' - I am sure I heard a variant of this a while back on TV


Meanwhile the judges also nominated the worst Jokes at the Fringe and included:

Sara Pascoe: ''Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.'' - Dreadful

Sean Hughes: ''You know city-centre beat officers... Well are they police who rap?'' - Even worse

Gyles Brandreth: ''I've got nothing against lesbians. I mean, that's the point isn't it?'' - I quite like this one, but then I like Gyles Brandreth

Doc Brown: ''I was born into the music industry. My dad worked in Our Price.'' - Not terrible

John Luke Roberts: ''I made a Battenberg where the two colours ran alongside each other. I called it apartheid sponge.'' - Poor

Sarah Millican: ''I bought a cross-trainer to keep fit. I suppose that it's not enough to just buy it.'' - Hmmm

Bec Hill: ''Some of my best friends are vegan. They were going to come today but they didn't have the energy to climb up the stairs.'' - Quite good, albeit a bit whiskery

Dan Antopolski: ''How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.'' - As old as me

Andi Osho: ''Floella Benjamin is in the House of Lords. How did she get in, through the round window?'' - This is funny, come on isn't it?

Gareth Richards: ''My mother is always taking photographs of me - she said if you disappear tomorrow I want you to look good on the news.'' - Very old

Emo Phillips: ''I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.'' - This should be in top 10, although logically shouldn't some of the bald me be riding horses etc. etc. etc.