Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Did England really beat Colombia in the World Cup?

James Delingpole in Breitbart has made some nice satirical points comparing England's World Cup victory with the result of the Brexit referendum.

'... if we are to treat international football results in the same way that Theresa May's administration has treated the EU referendum result, then here is what we can expect to happen next.

Much chuntering on social media that 4-3 is too close a score to decide the match result. There needs to be a second England Colombia game, this time where the players are properly informed about what it actually means if one side scores more goals than the other, Twitter experts say.


Massive media campaign – probably funded by George Soros – pouring scorn on every aspect of the original game: the refereeing; the line decisions; the biased camera angles which purported to show the Colombian players fouling the opposition and deliberately scuffing the turf in the penalty area before Kane's penalty kick. It concludes that Colombia – with its longstanding reputation for transparency and moral rectitude, especially with regards to its heroic and selfless contribution to the international war on drugs – is far more deserving of victory than Britain, with its brutal record of colonialist tyranny and its institutionalised racism.


The case for overturning the match result in favour of Colombian victory is pursued in the courts by top QC Jolyon Maugham. Funded by Gina Millar and that plumber bloke, Maugham compellingly argues that when the England players took their penalties against Colombia they had no idea what the consequences for getting the ball past the keeper and into the net would be. Had they been better informed, they would almost certainly have fluffed it, just like the losing, cheating, Colombian fails did.

Prime Minister Theresa May, having carefully listened to the Colombian side of the argument, and having consulted her violently anti-English civil service experts for confirmation of her prejudice, decides that there was never any real appetite in England for an England "hard win" victory. In a new compromise deal, reached after some tough negotiations by her top civil service expert Ollie Robbins, May will declare what she calls a "soft win" victory. The "soft win" decisions are as follows: Colombia in fact won the match; they will automatically win all future matches against England; instead of actually playing those games, the England team will be required to line up in the middle of the pitch and by ritually fouled and buttkicked by the Colombians; Colombia will be paid a £40 million settlement to compensate it for any embarrassment caused by the previous, now rejected result.'


' Unfortunately, at least where Brexit is concerned, it's perilously close to reality'

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