The nasty party are back (that is the Labour party in case you were wondering)

The Guardian this morning has the fascinating story that Gordon Brown has tired of his cuddly, family man image:

'In an audacious new election strategy, Labour is set to embrace Gordon Brown's reputation for anger and physical aggression, presenting the prime minister as a hard man, unafraid of confrontation, who is willing to take on David Cameron in "a bare-knuckle fistfight for the future of Britain", the Guardian has learned.

Following months of allegations about Brown's explosive outbursts and bullying, Downing Street will seize the initiative this week with a national billboard campaign portraying him as "a sort of Dirty Harry figure", in the words of a senior aide. One poster shows a glowering Brown alongside the caption "Step outside, posh boy," while another asks "Do you want some of this?"'

Do the Labour party really think that calling someone 'posh boy' is in any way sensible, intelligent or acceptable? Sorry, what was I thinking, of course they do.

The Guardian article also includes this passage which shows the lengths that the Labour party are thinking of going to in order to ensure their re-election:

'Labour was "going all in", staking the election on the hope that voters will be drawn to an alpha-male personality who "is prepared to pummel, punch or even headbutt the British economy into a new era of jobs and prosperity".'

Unbelievable...

But the article continues with details of several putative plans to push Gordon Brown's new hard man image:

'Strategists are even understood to be considering engineering a high-profile incident of violence on the campaign trail, and are in urgent consultations on the matter with John Prescott, whose public image improved in 2001 after he punched an egg-throwing protester.

Possible confrontations under discussion include pushing Andrew Marr out of the way while passing him on a staircase, or thumping the back of Jeremy Paxman's chair so hard that he flinches in shock.

One tactic being discussed involves provoking a physical confrontation at one of the three ground-breaking TV debates between the candidates. In this scenario, Brown, instead of responding to a point made by Cameron, would walk over from his microphone with an exaggerated silent display of self-control, bring his face to within an inch of the Tory leader's, and in a subdued voice, ask "what did you just say?", before delivering a single well-aimed blow to his opponent's face, followed by a headlock if required.'

Staggering...

I am shocked that even the Labour party would be aiming so low and I congratulate The Guardian's 'Olaf Priol' for this scoop, I trust that David Cameron will respond to these plans, fighting fire with fire by setting loose William 'judo' Hague and David 'SAS' Davis on to the more effete members of the Labour cabinet and other 'greybeards'. Maybe as well as this week's Chancellor's debate and the upcoming leader's debates there should also be some proper manly bouts to settle the arguments. Cabinet ministers versus their shadows is an obvious one; who would not pay good money to see Ken Clarke beat the crap out of Peter Mandelson and William Hague show Harriet Harman and/or David Miliband how a real man operates. I would also like to see a battle of the ex-Ministers with Davis Davis showing John Prescott that one punch does not a fighter make.

As Harry Hill is often heard to say: "There's only one way to settle this... FIGHT".


Maybe bloggers and journalists should also get involved in the inter-party fighting, I would offer to take on 'Olaf Priol' but I think he may only work at The Guardian one day a year...