Jacqui Smith has an announcement to make

"Today, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith announced the appointment of a new "Porn Tsar" as part of her crackdown on pornography.

The job will involve viewing films to see if they contain hardcore content and visiting lapdancing clubs to see if there is any lewd behaviour being performed.

In addition to a £40,000 per annum salary, the appointee will receive, he will also be allowed to claim all reasonable expenses that are incurred in his investigations, such as film rental, club membership fees and KY jelly.

The Home Secretary said that she had a short list of suitable candidates and that one in particular might save her from having to resign be ideally qualified for the role."

Thanks to Lakelander for that brilliant thought.