Which Labour leader is which Doctor Who?

This week's New Statesman, the low circulation left of centre magazine plays with the word "regeneration" by portraying Labour leaders past and present as particular Doctor Who's, does it work, have they chosen the right ones?

From left to right:
The New Statesman has chosen to portray Tony Blair as the 5th Doctor, the Peter Davison one. An odd choice, for me Tony Blair would be more of a 6th Doctor, the Colin Baker one. I believe that the death count during the Colin Baker years was way above that off any other Doctor Who. In 'reality' maybe The Master in his first Roger Delgado guise would be more Tony Blair - a pantomime villain yes but capable of great evil anyway.

Harold Wilson as the First Doctor, the William Hartnell one. The first, the oldest, the posh pretending to be a man of the people? That fits, Harold Wilson pretended to be a simple pip man when he was in fact a cigar man.

Let's leave Ed Miliband for the moment, he should be the climax of this story. That may be the first time that the words Ed Miliband and climax have ever appeared together.

Next is Neil Kinnock as the Ninth Doctor, the Christopher Eccleston one. I see the pertinence of the hard man, leather jacket image, but Neil Kinnock is far too much of a wordy wind-bag to be the Ninth Doctor. He prattles more like the Second Doctor, the Patrick Troughton one,

Last in the line-up is Gordon Brown as the Fourth Doctor, the Tom Baker one. Well the Fourth Doctor was rather eccentric but their the similarities end. Maybe the Seventh Doctor the Sylvester McCoy one would be more suitable, maybe not. No, with .Gordon Brown's capability for destruction of the British economy, society and general mayhem; maybe Davros would be a better option.

Now back to Ed Miliband. The New Statesman have portrayed him as the Eleventh Doctor, the Matt Smith one. Is that because the New Statesman are so stupid that they think Matt Smith is the current Doctor? Maybe it's because they see Ed Miliband as the callow youth to be followed by the serious older man, ....sorry I couldn't think of a serious elder man in the running to be Labour leader. Maybe it's an image thing, Ed Miliband does have something of the child about him, but whilst Matt Smith's Doctor had a depth of feeling, age and wisdom behind the yes, with Ed Miliband there's just a petulant teenager hiding behind the facade of... a petulant teenager. I'm sorry but I just can't see a Doctor to compare Ed Miliband to. How about a Doctor Who villain? A villain who's evil but not scary. Who's incompetent and lacks a backbone? The Green Death? Maybe he's an intermediate stage in the life-cycle of The Wirrn?

What ideas do you have for the right characters to be portrayed by Labour leaders? How about other Labour figures? I suggest John Prescott as the Abzorbaloff, what do you think?

The one hundred and sixtieth weekly No shit Sherlock award

The BBC news website headline at the moment is this:

'Labour has "massively failed" to get its case across to the public this summer, the party's former deputy leader Lord Prescott says.'

No shit Sherlock

Actually it would be fair to say that 'massively failed' would be a pretty good summary of the last Labour government, one in which John Prescott was one of the largest (pun intended) failures.

John Prescott on the Posh Boy Tax - John Prescott - Mirror Online

'So that means every single taxpayer pays about £3.30 a year to effectively sponsor a public school boy. Yes, we have all been paying a Posh Boy Tax!'

If this was removed, their parents would have to pay only an extra £225 per child each year.'
How about the places at State Schools that parents fund through taxes but don't use? Inconvenient fact for John Prescott?
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/john-prescott-on-the-posh-boy-tax-1647546

Sorry for quoting from The Mirror, I try not to come into contact with that rag.

The BBC making a mountain out of a molehill

On wednesday I blogged about how the BBC were giving undue prominence to a nothing story, giving it massive coverage so as to get Labour back on the front-foot and boost some anti-establishment sentiment following an incredibly popular Diamond Jubilee. Yesterday it emerged that the Labour/BBC story was not all that it seemed and the the Daily Mail printed a rather more balanced view:

'Around 80 unemployed people were driven to London on Sunday from Bristol, Plymouth and Bath. But the coach company mistimed the length of the journey and dropped them off at 3am instead of 5am. Instead of staying, the drivers left the drop-off point.

One volunteer, Robert Cooke, 30, from Plymouth, said: ‘A couple of people have complained about things that weren’t controlled by CPUK – the coach drivers who insisted on leaving, and the weather.’

...

The complaints were reported at length by The Guardian, which quoted two unnamed jobseekers claiming they were forced to camp overnight under London Bridge before they started work on the river pageant.

They were then picked up by BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, becoming the subject of its main interview slot at 8.10am, and again by The World At One at lunchtime.

Labour’s former Deputy Prime Minister Lord Prescott also weighed in, demanding an inquiry in a letter to Home Secretary Theresa May.

He said: ‘Not only was it under the bridge, but they were then sent to a camp which they described as “swampy and wet” after this event, almost becoming a development of labour camps. Is this going to be the circumstances for the Olympic sites?’

Labour’s deputy chairman Tom Watson wrote on Twitter: ‘Young people as commodities with few rights in a show of opulence by state elites? Isn’t there a powerful symbolism to that?’'

The Mail also has some direct quotations from people willing to be quoted, unlike The Guardian/BBC alliance who relied upon anonymous comments and the bluster of John 'does anyone take this individual seriously' Prescott:

'Among the volunteer stewards defending Close Protection UK yesterday was Robert Cooke, 30, from Plymouth.

He pointed out that the company could have done nothing about the cold weather, or the coach drivers’ decision to leave after dropping off the stewards two hours early.

He added: ‘Organisers found somewhere for us to shelter, and said that if any of us wanted to get into our sleeping bags to keep warm, then we could.

‘Most of us just stayed up chatting. It was a good laugh, and we had access to the portable loos the whole time.’

Mr Cooke, who hopes to work for CPUK during the Olympics, added: ‘They have paid for all the training for my licence and an NVQ in crowd safety.

‘They gave us boots worth £80, and a uniform. We worked out that what they’ve spent is the equivalent of us being paid £45 an hour.’

In a message to the company, Kirsty Nicholls, 23, also from Plymouth, said: ‘I would like to thank CPUK for the amazing experience I was a part of this weekend.

'I am extremely grateful for this opportunity. We were treated with the utmost respect and highly praised for the work we had done.

‘I personally volunteered to do all three days work as I found the experience incredibly pleasurable. I look forward to a long career with CPUK.’

Markus Hanks, another volunteer, said: ‘Thanks for a great time at the Diamond Jubilee. Brilliant company to work for, great staff, brilliant atmosphere between everyone, looking forward to working with Close Protection UK again at the London 2012 Olympics. I’m supporting you and the Close Protection UK 110%.’

One text message to CPUK’s operations director Danny Sheehan said: ‘Just wanted to say thanks for the weekend, had a great time, got some good experience. Look forward to working with you in the future.’

Another said: ‘Thank you for the chance of the work experience in London’, adding that it had stood them in good stead of getting a job.'

The BBC have dropped the story as far down their news website as they reasonably could bearing in mind it was headline news 48 hours earlier. But the damage has been done, the story has been established in the public mind and no doubt one or more lefty 'comedian' will be opining on the return to Dickensian labour conditions under a Tory toff lead government on Friday's News Quiz.

The BBC gave huge airtime to the SWP last year in order to publicise their campaign against such work experience schemes. The BBC long ago ceased to have any claim to be an impartial news organisation, for a while they have been a campaigning organisation on many subjects and a real Conservative Prime Minister would address the problem, I leave it to you to decide why David Cameron has done nothing.

Meanwhile the BBC who went with this attack have been caught out. The Telegraph reports that:

'Documents released under Freedom of Information laws show that 6,283 people have worked for the Corporation (BBC) for free since 2007.

Asked what rights interns had, the BBC stated: "Volunteers do not have any employment rights," adding that it had “no budget” for paying them a wage or expenses.

A BBC source said last night: "These interns do a valuable job - they really help out with any number of projects and they do it all for nothing in the hope of getting a job at the end of it. '

The BBC's hypocrisy is staggering but predictable. What is also predictable is that our CINO

Why are the BBC not interested in John Prescott's expenses?

The BBC were obsessed with the expenses scandal and identifying the misdeeds of various, especially Conservative MPs, they seem less interested in the questionable spending of John Prescott as revealed this week. Thanks to Guido Fawkes we know about John Prescott's credit card spending. This article revealed this about John Prescott's spending on expenses:

'Guido has now seen Prescott’s government credit card bill from 2004 through to 2006. It seems he was a big fan of upmarket Westminster canteen Shepherds and has spent £2,073 in Pret a Manger, including £240 in one sitting. Prezza enjoyed the high and low life, with The Cinnamon Club and Clacket Lane Service Station all featuring. What government business was the Deputy Prime Minister doing in a Morrisons supermarket cafe? Three hundred quid steak dinners on the taxpayer? '

How on earth do you spend £240 in one sitting at Pret a Manger? At £8 a head (and that's quite generous) that's lunch for 30 people; did John Prescott really buy lunch for 30? If not did he eat his own way through £240 of food in one sitting?

More intriguing was this article that revealed something more questionable than greed:

'Prezza’s spending on government credit cards knows no bounds. The Telegraph have gone big on the £456 he spent at the Star City casino in Sydney, the £490 at Doyle’s seafood restaurant in Watson’s Bay and £75 at an aquarium in 2004. However Guido understands there is even more to come on this one. Why for example is there an entry for “Miscellaneous Cash” from an Australian hole-in-the-wall:

28/11/04 £3.10 CASH ADVANCE HANDLING FEE
28/11/04 £154.86 LCA

Leaving aside the obvious financial malpractice of withdrawing cash on a credit card, especially in a foreign country, why on earth was this happening in the first place. What was the £160 spent on and where are the receipts?'

All fascinating questions about the expenses policy operated by the former Deputy Prime Minister. So I turned to the BBC to see how they were covering the story already in The Telegraph and on the web and what did I find? Nothing... I searched the BBC news website for John Prescott and found nothing about this story at all. The last John Prescott related article told us that 'Former Hull MP John Prescott is auctioning off gifts he received in his role as deputy prime minister.'

So why no coverage of this story BBC?


As an addendum I also note that whilst The Telegraph find the space to report that 'Tessa Jowell oversaw £13,000 spend on cakes and pubs' in a piece about odd expenses during her time at the Cabinet Office, including 'Nearly £50 was spent at Seastar Superbikes'; the BBC report nothing of the story.

An idea for a catch-weight boxing bout - Wendi Murdoch vs John Prescott

In the blue corner, Wendi Deng seen throwing a fine right cross at her husband's pie throwing assailant today at the House of Commons Culture Media and Sport committee on phone-hacking. Well done Wendi, very quick reactions and very protective of her husband, Rupert Murdoch.


In the red corner John Prescott seen here throwing a fair straight left whilst on walkabout in 2001


Obviously John Prescott would have a massive weight advantage but Wendi Deng/Murdoch is much younger and fitter. Who would win? There's only one way to find out..... "fight"


Here are the two possible opponents

Wendi vs John
Beauty vs brains...John

'Maguire has always been in the Balls camp and is a drinking buddy of Damian McBride, who is now back in Westminster lobbying for more taxes to be sent overseas in foreign aid. The old gang seem to be readying to do what they do best: undermining a Labour Party leader…'ma

Guido Fawkes thinks that the usual suspects are on manoevres:

'Maguire has always been in the Balls camp and is a drinking buddy of Damian McBride, who is now back in Westminster lobbying for more taxes to be sent overseas in foreign aid. The old gang seem to be readying to do what they do best: undermining a Labour Party leader…'

Kevin Maguire, Ed Balls and Damian McBride - what a serioulsy unpleasant collection of Labour supporting scum. Whenever I despair of David Cameron I just have to remember the likes of Maguire, Balls & McBride as well as Blair, Brown, Mandelson, Prescott, Straw.... (the list is a long one) and suddenly I realise that things could be so much worse.

'Bloated And Dysfunctional'

When I read the words 'Bloated And Dysfunctional' in connection with the House of Lords I assumed it was referring to John Prescott but no... Read here

John Prescott faces new probe

The Express reveals that:

'JOHN PRESCOTT is facing a fresh police probe into allegations he broke the law by having sex with his secretary while he was in Government, the Scottish Sunday Express can reveal.'

Read the story, I hope its true because the damage done by John Prescott to the country and the English language has not yet been fully recognised.

Another result of the law of unintended consequences

'Another frozen chicken which came home to roost was the crisis confronting many of the eight million homes now heated by condensing boilers, made compulsory by John Prescott in 2005 as a way of reducing Britain’s carbon footprint. What Mr Prescott failed to do was impose, on this tightly regulated industry, any requirement that the pipes to take away the resulting water should not be placed on the outside of buildings. (Responsibility for this crucial system failure has since been passed to the Health and Safety Executive.) The result is that up to a million external pipes froze in December, shutting off the heating.'

More in this Telegraph article by Christopher Booker.

M4 bus lane being removed!

Sky News report that:

'Work is beginning this evening to remove the unpopular bus lane from the M4.

The M4 eastbound, between junctions 3 and 2, is being closed overnight for four nights this week and next, while the M4 westbound will be closed for three nights from tonight.

Road signs and road markings will be removed and a revised road layout put in place.'

Thank you Philip Hammond, thank you David Cameron; f**k you John Prescott.

The 'noble' 'Lord' Prescott

'Lord' Prescott wrote on his Twitter page at the weekend:

"So after Field & Hutton, Milburn becomes the 3rd collaborator. They collaborated to get Brown OUT. Now collaborating to keep Cameron IN."

John 'Tribalism' Prescott in all his vileness...

Baron Prescott of Kingston-Upon-Hull!

To see John Prescott in the House of Lords is the finest advertisement for the abolition of The House of Lords that I can imagine. I am trying to decide who I am less likely to call 'Noble Lord'; Precott or Mandelson...

John Prescott chairing Have I Got News For You!

Beyond satire - John Prescott to chair 'Have I Got News For You' tonight. I object to any part of my licence fee going to this boorish fool and I hope that he is treated with the complete lack of respect that he deserves. Certainly any pulling of punches by Ian Hislop will be looked upon with grave displeasure by this NotaSheep.

I would have thought that the tub of lard that was used when Roy Hattersley failed to turn up for the third time would make a more eloquent and intelligent chairman than the former Deputy Prime Minister and recently enobled John 'cocktail sausage' Prescott.

Has satire died again?

When Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973, the distinguished musical satirist Tom Lehrer decided that he could no longer perform. "It was at that moment that satire died," says Lehrer, "There was nothing more to say after that."

I feel somewhat the same as I hear that John Prescott features in Gordon Brown's resignation honours list. John Prescott in the House of Lords! John Prescott the man who said that "I'm against too much flunkery and titles." John Prescott who had has less class than almost any MP I have ever seen.

Gordon Brown's last laugh on the Country that he comprehensively ruined? I doubt it, I am sure that there are more skeletons in the Number 10 cupboard.

The BBC's obsession with Eton

The BBC's obsession with David Cameron having been to ETON continues this morning. So far the cabinet appointments feature has details of eight appointees, only one has any mention of schooling and that is David Cameron 'The Old Etonian'. Nick Clegg's attendance of the private and expensive Westminster School does not warrant a mention, but then neither did Tony Blair's attendance at the elite Fettes College.

I did a quick cost comparison this morning and day fees at Eton are £9,617 per term, Westminster - £9,448 a term and Fettes between £6,004 and £8,288 a term. All are therefore equivalently expensive, except to scholarship pupils such as Boris Johnson, but I believe entry to each requires passing an entrance exam.

So why the BBC obsession with Eton and Old Etonians? Zac Goldsmith is another who cannot escape the tag.

I for one would rather have an educated gentleman such as David Cameron as Prime Minister rather than Gordon Brown. And would also rather have Nick Clegg as Deputy PM than an ill-educated and often incoherent oaf such as John Prescott.

The difference between a gentleman and a thug

John Prescott



David Cameron


Two senior politicians have an egg thrown at them; John Prescott throws a punch whilst David Cameron makes light of it and comes up with quite a witty line (bearing in mind the person in the chicken costume that was following him about yesterday).

Gordon Brown's priorities - no peerage for army chief Sir Richard Dannatt but one for prize incompetent and general disgrace John Prescott

Apparently Gordon Brown has blocked a peerage for army chief Sir Richard Dannatt, because he has dared to tell the truth about Gordon Brown's (lack of) funding for the armed forces and of course because he has come out as a Conservative supporter. Meanwhile it seems likely that he will ennoble John Prescott, one of the stupidest and nastiest men it has been my misfortune to ever have to listen to.

What does John Prescott weigh?

Not a puerile question but one that is becoming quite interesting. Tory Landlord is all over the story that John Prescott claimed on Twitter that 'I'm actually 96 kilos and 72 years of age, for the record'. Well Tory Landlord points out that John Prescott is actually 71, his 72nd birthday not being until 31 May.

Tory Landlord then wonders

'For the non-Europhiles among us, 96 kilos is only just over 15 stone. That does seem a bit unlikely – unless he’s really short – because, let’s be honest, the bloke is fat. I asked around, and the general consensus seems to be that he is probably 5′8″-5′9″ (height, not width). So I helpfully put his details into a BMI calculator. At 96 kilos and 5′8″, his BMI is 32.2; at 5′9″ his BMI’s 31.3. Either way, he’s clinically obese. Shocker..

Now I weigh around 98 kilos and am around 5'9" tall and I look nowhere near the size of John Prescott. I am clearly not svelte and have a paunch and am clinically obese, but I cut nothing like the jowlly figure that John Prescott does. I cannot be sure but I do not believe that if I sat at the opposite end of a see-saw from John Prescott that I would end up other than up in the air.

PMQs 3 March 2010

With Gordon 'fearty' Brown occupied elsewhere it fell to Harriet Harman to answer at PMQs today and she was woeful, possibly the worst performance by a stand-in that I can remember - yes that does include John Prescott. She had some pre-prepared lines about Lord Ashcroft and she was just too eager to use them. Speaker Bercow told her off twice for raising matters that were not pertinent to PMQs and she called William Hague the Foreign Secretary and couldn't laugh off the error, and that's the trouble with Brown and Harman compared with Tony Blair, he had a sense of humour and could laugh at himself (in public anyway) whilst Brown and Harman are without humour or the skill of self-deprecation.

When William Hague asked about policy Harriet Harman floundered badly, it seems that she doesn't understand the difference between UK Government bonds and the exchange rate, doesn't realise that PMQs are about areas of Government responsibility and seems incapable of answering a straight question.

It was good to hear that William Hague followed, at least in part, my suggested line of questioning.


It strikes me that maybe Gordon Brown misses so many PMQs just so his party get to see how poor the best elected alternative to him is, so as to keep them sticking with the devil they know.

It also strikes me that the BBC must realise how bad Harriet Harman's performance at PMQs was as they have taken down any references to today's PMQs from the politics area of their news website.