Masturbating with a what?

The Smoking Gun reports a rather odd case (well that's what they do!):

'The topless Illinois woman arrested on a gun charge after cops found her masturbating in a Chrysler van outside a Red Roof Inn has pleaded guilty to a weapons count, according to court records.

...

Myers, arrested in November for possession of a 9mm handgun without a state-issued Firearm Owners Identification card, admitted to masturbating in the vehicle, where cops discovered “adult items that were used for self-pleasuring.” Myers, who was not charged for the topless auto eroticism, was apparently staying at the hotel with her children, and had repaired to the van for her solo session.'

On first reading I thought the article said she had been masturbating with the 9mm handgun, now I am not so sure...

'Woman died after doctors failed to spot toilet brush in her buttocks'

Weird story of the week - The Telegraph report that:

'A mother died after doctors repeatedly failed to spot a toilet brush handle embedded in her buttock.

...

Cindy Corton, 35, was left with the bizarre injury after a drunken fall in a friend's bathroom in 2005.

She was twice seen by hospital staff in the aftermath of the incident and an X-ray was carried out.

But an inquest heard it took Mrs Corton, of Sleaford, Lincolnshire, two years to convince doctors that the handle was lodged in flesh of her bottom.

By then what should have been a routine procedure to remove it had become much more dangerous.

After two unsuccessful operations in 2007, Mrs Corton underwent further, much riskier surgery and died from massive blood loss at Nottingham's Queen's Medical Centre in June last year.

Recording a narrative verdict, coroner Stuart Fisher criticised Dr Killian Mbewe, who first examined Mrs Corton at Grantham hospital.'

Words fail me.