Parents celebrate end of nightmare as school holidays come to an end

'Bill McKay, who has spent half of the last six weeks pretending to be so bad at football that a five-year-old can beat him, said: "Freedom tastes so sweet. I'm going to the pub at half-four. After that, who knows?"'

More here at The Daily Mash and all over the UK.

For any sleep-deprived parents of a non-sleeping baby - A public service post

"One thing they don't mention in the parenting book
Your love for them grows, the closer to dead they look"
Sick but very accurate!

I'm switching to Malaysia Airlines

Malaysia Airlines have banned under12s from the upper deck of their Airbus 380s.

Please British Airways do the same for the upper deck of 747s and one cabin of each class.


Meanwhile WestJet almost got my vote to, but it was an April's Fool

Huge demand for Baby-free Zones on Planes

YouGov report that:

'Four in ten (79%) British adults, including a majority of those with young kids, think it would be a 'good idea' for airlines to reserve areas for passengers aged 12 and up. Only 13% think the move would be a bad idea.'

More here http://yougov.co.uk/news/2013/08/27/four-five-want-child-free-zone-planes/

Of course it's a popular idea, flying is bad enough without having a screaming baby assaulting your eardrums. Flying is uncomfortable enough without having a five year old kicking the back of your seat for 4 hours. Flying is nasty enough without having the baby in the row behind you throw up over his parents and you. Flying is nauseating enough without you having to witness someone changing their baby's nappy on the other side of the aisle.

All of the above examples have happened to me over the last few years...

What I don't understand is why airlines that operate multiple cabins on long haul flights don't designate one cabin in each class as child free. I'd pay a 10% surcharge to be sure of a relatively peaceful flight.

BBC News - Can we make ourselves happier?

One interesting line:

'Having children lowers your happiness levels, but your happiness increases when they grow up and leave home.'

So overall overall who's happier, those who had children or those that didn't?

http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23097143

A solution to the menace of children on a plane

It could work!

BBC 5live phone in

Should there be childfree areas on planes etc.? If only I had the time to call in! There's one really annoying woman who thinks children make a lovely noise...

Children in restaurants and other shared public places

I am fed up to the back teeth with noisy children in restaurants and other public places. Obviously the ideal would be to have child-free areas where civilized adults could enjoy intelligent conversation without the cries of mewling brats. Failing that how about this that I found on the web:

'We welcome well-behaved children, when accompanied by an adult, but we may ask to seat families in designated areas.'

I shall carry printouts of this from now on to give as suggestions to restaurateurs who think that screaming babies and badly behaved children are in some way appropriate for their venue.

'Having Kids is a Waste of Money' - and lots of it

According to research by LV=, the cost of raising a child until their 21st birthday is now almost £211,000, compared to £140,398 back in 2003 when the firm first looked into the subject.

Here’s how LV= has broken down those costs, which was put together with the help of the Centre of Economic and Business Research:

Expenditure	Total cost in 2010	Total cost in 2009	Total cost in 2003 (first year of report)
Childcare & Babysitting	£67,430	£65,699	£39,613
Education	£55,660	£52,881	£32,593
Food	£18,518	£17,490	£14,918
Clothing	£15,683	£14,035	£11,360
Holidays	£14,052	£13,207	£11,458
Hobbies & Toys	£10,565	£10,780	£8,861
Leisure and Recreation	£8,147	£7,772	£6,366
Pocket Money	£4,543	£4,338	£3,386
Furniture	£2,798	£2,770	£2,074
Personal care	£1,164	£1,107	£925
Other (includes driving lessons, first car, birthday and Christmas presents)	£12,287	£11,731	£8,845
TOTAL	£210,848	£201,809	£140,398

Love Money have the full details...

One husband, two children, reasonable cooking skills. Not much to show for my 50 years. Which is why I know I would have had a better and fuller life — had I never been a mother. '

An interesting article in todays Femail section of The Mail. Do read it all, here's an extract to whet your appetite:

'And yet... when I look back now, I can see that I found much of my two decades of motherhood a boring and isolating experience.

I know that many mothers reading this will contradict me, shrieking that motherhood is the most enriching experience available to women. All I can say is that for me, motherhood was, in large part, a gruelling, largely thankless slog in the dark.

(I was not surprised when a study earlier this year revealed that young, married couples who have not started a family have the happiest relationships — while couples with pre-school children were the unhappiest.)

For all its joys, parenting can stunt and sometimes kill our relationships with our partners, squashing them under the tonnage of sleeplessness, stress and the daily grind of raising a family.

It sucks us dry. It inhibits our growth as individuals, saps our strength and takes away our confidence in ourselves.

It also forces us into singing the praises of a role which, if we only dared to be honest about it, leaves many women feeling suffocated.

I am a member of a small book club, and suggested we read Lionel Shriver’s honest and unusual book We Need To Talk About Kevin, which tells the story of a mother’s inability to bond with her troubled son.

When we met a month later, not one of the ten women in the group had liked the book. In fact, they hated it. Too dark, too ‘unrealistic’, too shocking, they said.

‘What mother could ever feel like that about her child?’ one woman asked.

‘What does Lionel Shriver know about children?’ another argued.

I listened to their objections, not surprised by them, but felt disappointed that this fascinating book hadn’t sparked a more nuanced and honest debate about the nature of motherhood, rather than a censorious and aggressive defence of it.

Why are women so afraid to talk honestly about the negative side of being a mother? We talk freely enough about the parlous state of our marriages, so why can’t we do the same about having a family?'

A start?

My views on children on planes are well documented (most recently here but also here and indeed here ) so I was intrigued to read in The Mail about the airline steward who put a small child in an overhead locker. Unfortunately it seems that this was not a noise-cancelling measure but part of a game of hide-and-seek that got out of hand. Still food for thought?

'just under a third... would like to ban children on flights'

Travel Mole report some interesting and very understandable findings:

'Airport hotel and parking website HolidayExtras.com polled just less than 5000 of its customers to find out what air passengers really want and a flight sans enfants came out tops.

What’s more, just under a third went further and said they would like to ban children on flights completely. A slightly more tolerant 51% said there should be cabins set aside for adults only.

...

a massive 83% of passengers would like to see adult-only areas on flights.'

These figures do not surprise me. The next time you are sitting on a plane as it fills up with passengers, watch the faces of people with empty seats near them as a baby or small child is heading towards them, I think fear describes the look accurately.

So I was surprised to read from the same article this:

'Head of product innovation and merchandising at HolidayExtras.com Anthony Clarke-Cowell said: “I’m surprised so many travellers have expressed such a strong desire for adult-only flights.

“Flights abroad always present a challenge for families and this is reflected in the results. There is clearly a need for more facilities to keep children happily engaged in quieter pastimes both during and before a flight.”'

Only an idiot could fail to expect this sort of result. Most people on planes do not want to be cooped up for two, three, five, eight, twelve hours in the near vicinity to a screaming baby or obstreperous small child and many are now getting brave enough to proclaim this fact.


Every time I write about this sort of subject I get comments along the line of 'you were a baby once', 'I'd rather sit near a baby than a child-hater like you', 'parents pay for their seats and have as much right to them as you do' and 'drunk noisy passengers are more of a problem than babies on planes'. To answer these points: 'Indeed I was but I my parents did not inflict me on innocent passengers until I knew how to behave (the same argument stands for children in restaurants)', 'that's your choice I'd like the choice as well (I don't hate children, just badly behaved ones and their parents)', 'parents pay for their seats but their children travel at a heavily discounted rate (why should I subsidise them both?)' and 'quite possibly but I barely drink on planes, never raise my voice and am no trouble at all - how about your baby or three year old?'

'I don't need a child to be happy'

'I don't need a child to be happy' More sense in The Mail, in an article by Sharon Parsons.

'. However pretentious it may sound, there's the startling fact that my husband and I have severed the thread in our personal ancestry (unless, of course, he should decide to run off with a fertile 20-something).

Despite our respective nephews and nieces taking up the family baton, he and I know that we are not passing anything of ourselves on to future generations.

After an infinite genealogical timeline - impossible to imagine - we have drawn the mark in the sand. Enough. No more. Our bloodline stops here.

...

Recently there has been another flurry of research in the U.S. and Europe, which has found many women are happily deciding to remain childless. In this country, it's estimated one in five women will not have children through choice.

...

'Is it awful for you to be home alone?' queried one crashingly insensitive colleague after a few drinks one evening. 'I mean, without any kids around to liven things up, it must seem so quiet and dull for you and your husband at times.'

I bit hard on my lip and said nothing, recalling the previous weekend when my husband and I had turned up the music, got stuck into cooking and chatting with a glass on wine on the go, then had a crowd of friends over for an impromptu party that went on well into the early hours. Quiet and dull? I don't think so.'

Giving the customer what they want

April 2009 a survey was reported to have found that '79 per cent of Britons believe there should also be child-free areas on planes.'.

Those of you travelling without children know that feeling of dread as the parents with two small wriggling children heads towards the row in front or behind you and you know that you are in for a very unpleasant flight full of shouting, screaming and seat kicking. Those parents of small children that I know, report a feeling of embarrassment and resentment as they walk down the plane's aisle with most people casting them looks of pure hatred.

So why do airlines not put all families, and those people who don't care about flying with children, in one (preferably SOUND PROOFED) cabin; leaving everyone else free to enjoy the British Airways experience? The public want it, so what's stopping you?

Prattling

To the pregnant woman whose incessant prattling, to her husband & another couple, has just lost me three hours that I will never regain I would like to say the following... You are not the first woman to become pregnant, you will not be the last person to become pregnant and your pregnancy is of little or no interest to 99.9999999% of the world's population. So please get some f***ing perspective and try and see if you can either talk about something else for five minutes or preferably shut the f*** up.

When 85% just isn't enough

'But what can be done to keep everyone happy? There have been suggestions that there should be family-only sections in planes where everyone with young children could sit.

One survey found that 85% of the 10,000 people questioned thought this was a good idea. Many of them were parents.'

That's from a piece on the BBC that explains 'Why flying with children can spoil a dream trip'

As someone that is regularly pissed off on a plane by small children screaming near me, kicking the back of my seat or turning round from the seat in front of me to dribble and look as though they are about to projectile vomit, I understand exactly how children can ruin a flight. As someone who once witnessed a selfish 'mother' change her little darling's soiled nappy on the seat next to her, I know that I would child-free sections on planes, or preferably child-free flights. So I was intrigued to learn that 'One survey found that 85% of the 10,000 people questioned thought this was a good idea. Many of them were parents.'

I was therefore interested to read the explanations as to why this had not happened:

"At Lufthansa we have no plans to separate cabins. Children are an integral part of life, on board as well. Of course, if we see that there is too much noise in one section and people are feeling unhappy, then we will try to reseat them in other areas of the plane, if possible,"

Children are not an integral part of my life aboard (or indeed not aboard) a plane. As for reseating people who are unhappy, how likely is that? On a full flight?

Tom Otley, editor of Business Traveller magazine, agrees that it is a difficult to envisage family-only sections.

"Many of the self-booking tools now allow you to select your seats, and if you as a family have selected your seats together and are then moved to the back of the cabin with all the other families, that's not customer choice, it's being imposed on you by the airline - and that wouldn't be popular,"

Crap! If there were child-free sections then seats in those areas would just not appear as available to families checking in, an easy bit of programming and a godsend to the traveller who prefers a civilised flight to flying in a f***ing creche.


The BBC article reports that I am not alone in wanting child-free flights:

'For some travellers even child-free sections would not go far enough. Just as there are adult-only hotels and holiday resorts they would like to see totally child-free flights on offer on busy routes. But again, do not hold your breath.

...

And Lufthansa's Aage Duenhaupt agrees: "I just don't think it's a valid option from a business perspective as we would end up losing bookings from families."'

Again, crap! What about the bookings you might gain from travellers who want a quiet flight, maybe they would even pay a little extra, I know I would? I won't ever fly to Mauritius again after a dreadful flight where the screams of brats kept me awake for a whole flight and left me more stressed after the flight than I had been before my two week holiday.

'So it seems that for now it is just a matter of crossing your fingers, remembering your earplugs and reminding yourself that you too were once a child.'

Indeed I was once a child but I was taught how to behave and disciplined such that I was a good little 'kid' in public. Too many of today's parents seem to have negligible parenting skills and seem to prefer to be their children's friend rather than parent.

Child-free flights please but as an experiment why not try guaranteed child-free sections on flights? How about starting in Business Class where there are normally two small cabins, one of which could easily be designated child-free and the other open to all. How about making all 747 top decks child-free? There are ways of achieving this if only the airlines had a bit of inventive spirit. If any airline needs to brainstorm, I am available...



For more on the child-free life may I recommend a perusal of alt.support.childfree and a read of Childfree and loving it by Nicki Delfago.

Childfree by choice

An interesting BBC article about 'The women who choose not to be mothers'. Take a read of it and the published comments underneath.

The tyranny of children

Some idiot of a neighbour has decided that their small suburban back garden is the perfect place to have a dozen small children play some sort of competitive ball game. As a result Mrs NotaSheep and I have had to close our windows and sit with curtains drawn and the television on trying to blot out some of the noise.

So to all those people who are looking forward to long summer afternoons in their garden, remember that in many cases rather than the tweets of birds and buzzes of bees they will end up listening to the screams of neighbourhood brats.

Of course if anyone gets up the nerve to go and complainm then the parents say "but they are only children", "were you never a child" or "get away from my house or I'll call the police and say your a paedo". Yes, children are above criticism but in my view often below contempt.

£200,000 to raise a child

The Telegraph report that:

"The cost of raising a child has passed £200,000 for the first time... The figure equates to £800 a month and is a shocking reminder to parents of the financial burden of providing for a child until the age of 21.

The costs have increased 4 per cent to £201,000 since last year and are 43 per cent higher than in 2003 when the annual survey was first carried out by insurer LV=."

£200,000 is an incredible amount per child just an average; it does make me wonder how much certain friends will end up spending once private schools, university educations, ski trips, school trips, cars tec. etc. are factored in. It could be a very scary figure but not one that affects me directly I am glad to report.

Always take your bread from the back of the baker's basket

Having queued up behind a mother and her, only averagely, snotty child I realised why I always take my bread from the back of the baker's baskets. The little germ carrier touched several loaves with the same hand that he had been using to wipe his nose and insert in his mouth. His doting mother caught him once and gave out a tired little Joyce Grenfellesque "don't do that" but he of course ignored her. The shop assistant did nothing and I, not wanting any confrontation, just took my loaf from the back of the basket and wondered if there was space in our kitchen for a breadmaker.