Finally found it! Half Man Half Biscuit - Dickie Davies Eyes

Back in 2008 I blogged about the wonderful Half Man Half Biscuit and posted videos of Trumpton Riots, Joy Division Oven Gloves and I Think We're Alone Now but said that I just couldn't find the video for Dickie Davies Eyes, well now I have...

"Mention the Lord of the Rings just once more,
And I'll more than likely kill you.
"Moorecock, Moorecock, Michael Moorecock"
you fervently moan.
Is this a wok that you shove down my throat,
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium.

Chorus:
And all those people
Who you, romantically,
Like to still believe are alive,
Are dead!
So I'll wipe my snot
On the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster
On the wall.

God, I could murder a Cadbury's Flake,
Then I guess you wouldn't let me into heaven.
Or maybe you would 'cause their adverts promote oral sex!
A Romani bint in a field with her paints,
Suggesting we faint at her beauty,
But she's got "Dickie Davis Eyes!"

Chorus x 2"

Sheer genius....

As is National Shite Day



With the musings about whether a replacement  bus service should really be called a replacement train service and the great line "overhead a rainboow appears, in black & white".

Odd Google searches

why must food be halal - an interesting question but somehow I think that the person who googled this search and found this article on my blog at number 2, behind Wikipedia and just ahead of The Halal Food Guide

half man half sheep pravda - an interesting search term and one that should play right into my hands with my occasional posting of Half Man Half Biscuit postings. However I only appear at number 4 for this article, beaten by some fascinating articles - this one - "Half Sheep, Half Man, All Creepy: Links, Pics, Videos, and News ", this one - "After sex with sheep, don't kill the animal! - Pravda.Ru" and this one - "Sheep Gives Birth to Human-Faced Lamb in Turkey - Pravda.Ru".

Climate Change update

Lord Christopher Monckton and an Australin 'warmist' debate before an interviewer who is well out of his depth.

Thanks to Denverstrope for that spot.


Barking Spider has nice summary of where we are, including this:

"There are many casualties in this sad story of greed and hubris. The big victim is the scientific method. This was pointed out in great detail by John P Costella of the Virginia-based Science and Public Policy Institute. Science is based on three fundamental pillars. The first is fallibility. The fact that you can be wrong, and if so proven by experimental input, any hypothesis can be - indeed, must be - corrected.
This was systematically stymied as early as 2004 by the scientist in-charge of the University of East Anglia’s Climate Change Unit. This university was at the epicentre of the ‘research’ on global warming. It is here that Professor Phil Jones kept inconvenient details that contradicted climate change claims out of reports.
The second pillar of science is that by its very nature, science is impersonal. There is no ‘us’, there is no ‘them’. There is only the quest. However, in the entire murky non-scientific global warming episode, if anyone was a sceptic he was labelled as one of ‘them’. At the very apex, before his humiliating retraction, Pachauri had dismissed a report by Indian scientists on glaciers as “voodoo science”.
The third pillar of science is peer group assessment. This allows for validation of your thesis by fellow scientists and is usually done in confidence. However, the entire process was set aside by the IPCC while preparing the report. Thus, it has zero scientific value.
The fact that there was dissent within the climate science teams, that some people objected to the very basis of the grand claims of global warming, did not come out through the due process. It came to light when emails at the Climate Research Centre at East Anglia were hacked in November 2009. It is from the hacked conversations that a pattern of conspiracy and deceit emerge. It is a peek into the world of global warming scaremongering—amplify the impact of CO2, stick to dramatic timelines on destruction of forests, and never ask for a referral or raise a contrary point. You were either a believer in a hotter world or not welcome in this ‘scientific fold’."

Barking Spider also reports that:

" An investigation by Dr Benny Peiser, director, Global Warming Policy Foundation, has revealed that only 13 of the 1,117, or a mere 1 per cent of the scientific papers crosschecked by him, explicitly endorse the consensus as defined by the IPCC. Thus the very basis of the claim of consensus on global warming is false. And so deeply entrenched is the global warming lobby, the prestigious journal Science did not publish a letter that Dr Peiser wrote pointing out the lack of consensus."

Christopher Booker reports the fascinating analysis that:

"There is something very odd indeed about the statement by the Information Commission on its investigation into "Climategate", the leak of emails from East Anglia's Climatic Research Unit. Gordon Smith, the deputy commissioner, confirms that the university's refusal to answer legitimate inquiries made in 2007 and 2008 was an offence under S.77 of the Information Act. But he goes on to claim that the Commission is powerless to bring charges, thanks to a loophole in the law – "because the legislation requires action within six months of the offence taking place".

Careful examination of the Act, however, shows that it says nothing whatever about a time limit. The Commission appears to be trying to confuse this with a provision of the Magistrates Act, that charges for an offence cannot be brought more than six months after it has been drawn to the authorities' attention – not after it was committed. In this case, the Commission only became aware of the offence two months ago when the emails were leaked – showing that the small group of British and American scientists at the top of the IPCC were discussing with each other and with the university ways to break the law, not least by destroying evidence, an offence in itself.

The Commission is thus impaled on a hook of its own devising. By admitting that serious offences were committed, it is now legally obliged to bring charges. And if these were brought under the 1977 Criminal Law Act, alleging that the offences amounted to a conspiracy to defy the law, there is no time limit anyway.

The real mystery therefore is how the Commission came to misread the very Act which brought it into being. Undoubtedly a successful prosecution involving such world-ranking scientists would be extraordinarily embarrassing, not just to the Government but to the entire global warming cause. So what has persuaded the Commission not to do its duty? "

I sense something very wrong at the Information Commission re this matter.

Obesity and climate change (update)

A musical update to my October 2007 piece about health fascism. I quoted a Half man Half Biscuit song and I have now found some video and the full lyrics...

The song is called "Turn a blind eye", here's the video and here are the lyrics:

"They came for the palmists, but I wasn’t a palmist so I did nothing
They came for the bungee jumpers, but I wasn’t a bungee jumper so I did nothing
They came for the players’ agents, but I wasn’t a players’ agent so I did nothing
They came for the Charles Manson fans, but I wasn’t a Charles Manson fan so I did nothing
They came for the reflexologists, but I wasn’t a reflexologist so I did nothing
They came for the camp TV chefs, but I wasn’t a camp TV chef so I did nothing
They came for the RoMos, I laughed
They came for the martial arts enthusiasts, but I wasn’t a martial arts enthusiast so I did nothing
They came for Eamonn Holmes and I think I’m right in saying I applauded
They came for the fire-eaters, but I wasn’t a fire-eater so I did nothing
They came for Dani Behr, I said she’s over there, behind the wardrobe

Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to"

The Telegraph seem not to care about accuracy any more

Michael Henderson in The Telegraph writes about Steve Harmison's shortcomings but also makes a horrendous mistake in his reporting.

"Bopara, Bell and Collingwood at Nos 3, 4 and 5 does not inspire the same confidence as, say, Cowdrey, Dexter, and Barrington. Or Vaughan, Hussain and Thorpe. Or Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb."

That is just so inaccurate, number 3,4 and 5 in the Trumpton Fire Brigade order are "Barney McGrew, Cuthbert and Dibble", Grubb was at best a number 6 and some would say lucky to even play there as his standard shot was somewhat wooden.

Here's "Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub" and Captain Flack, a more charismatic leader than Andrew Strauss.



And of course that does give me the excuse to once again post Half Man, Half Biscuit's "Trumpton Riots"




All together now:

"Unemployments rising
In the Chigley end of town.
And it's speading like pneumonia;
Doesn't look like going down.
There's trouble at the fire station;
Someone's had the sack.
And the lads are going to launch a scheme
To get rid of Captain Flack.

Tell PC McGarry
To get himself a mate.
And arm themselves with C. S. Gas
They're gonna be out late.
We've had calm conformers in since 1966.
And now subversions in the air
In the shape of flying bricks!

Chorus:
Someone get a message through
To Captain Snort
That they better start assembling
The boys from the fort.
Keep Mrs. Honeyman right out of sight,
'Cause there's gonna be riot
Down in Trumpton Tonight.

All this aristocracy
Has really got to stop.
We'll overthrow the surgery
And kidnap Doctor Mop
And Chicley Militant Socialists
Will storm the market square
And make plans to assasinate
Our autocratic mayor!

Windy Militant rages past
With Corn grinders to war
With windmill sails and bombs with nails
They smash the town hall door.
But Snorty and the boys arrive
With one big erstwhile (?) crew
Whereupon they bring about
A military coup.

Chorus x 2 "

"Dickie Davies Eyes" found!

Half Man Half Biscuit's "Dickie Davies Eyes" - sheer genius and I am instantly back in 1986 - lighter, hairier and wearing a lot more black...

"Mention the Lord of the Rings just once more,
And I'll more than likely kill you.
"Moorecock, Moorecock, Michael Moorecock"
you fervently moan.
Is this a wok that you shove down my throat,
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium.

Chorus:
And all those people
Who you, romantically,
Like to still believe are alive,
Are dead!
So I'll wipe my snot
On the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster
On the wall.

God, I could murder a Cadbury's Flake,
Then I guess you wouldn't let me into heaven.
Or maybe you would 'cause their adverts promote oral sex!
A Romani bint in a field with her paints,
Suggesting we faint at her beauty,
But she's got "Dickie Davis Eyes!"

Chorus x 2"

It's Clichéd to be Cynical at Christmas

That's Half Man Half Biscuit's attempt at the Christmas Spirit

Dr Rown Williams and Half Man Half Biscuit?

Sam Leith in Saturday's Telegraph has an article devoted to comparing Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, with Half Man Half Biscuit, the English indie/punk band of long-standing. I have long been a fan of Half Man Half Biscuit's intelligent off-centre lyrics and steadfast refusal to play the music industry game, I am less a fan of Dr Rowan William's often ridiculous pronouncements.

I have no desire to put a Dr Rowan Williams speech on my blog, but here is one of my favourite Half Man Half Biscuit tracks

"The Trumpton Riots"



The video I would like to show here is for "Dickie Davies Eyes" but cannot find it anywhere, so here are the lyrics:

"Mention the Lord of the Rings just once more,
And I'll more than likely kill you.
"Moorecock, Moorecock, Michael Moorecock"
you fervently moan.
Is this a wok that you shove down my throat,
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium.

Chorus:
And all those people
Who you, romantically,
Like to still believe are alive,
Are dead!
So I'll wipe my snot
On the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster
On the wall.

God, I could murder a Cadbury's Flake,
Then I guess you wouldn't let me into heaven.
Or maybe you would 'cause their adverts promote oral sex!
A Romani bint in a field with her paints,
Suggesting we faint at her beauty,
But she's got "Dickie Davis Eyes!"

Chorus x 2"

Sheer genius....



and as an extra, how about "Joy Division Oven Gloves"


and as a bonus extra, how about Half Man Half Biscuits cover of Tiffany's "I think we're alone now"

Obesity and climate change

I must admit that when I read this headline "Obesity likened to climate change" on the BBC news fron page, I read likened as linked and assumed that the BBC had manage to blame obesity on climate change. In fact the article starts "Obesity poses a potential crisis on the same scale as climate change, the health secretary says.". So it is in fact a story about how the political wing of BBC/NuLab can't be blamed for wasting billions of pounds of "investment" in the NHS, as it is all our fault for being fat.

Get ready for NHS treatment charges as this government start a "war on obesity". They have attacked the rights of smokers and all but excluded them from public life, drinkers are being pushed the same way, next it will those who dare to eat more than Nanny New Labour says, who will be under attack. This is health facism from a deeply undemocratic, facist government.

Don't feel safe all you readers with a nice slim waist, all you healthy readers who are the perfect weight for your height.

First they came for the smokers
and I did not speak out
because I was not a smoker
Then they came for the drinkers
and I did not speak out
because I was not a drinker
Then they came for the obese
and I did not speak out
because I was not obese
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Looking up the exact wording of Pastor Martin Niemöller's original poem brought up some interesting variants. The one that I always though was the original was:
"First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me."

A look at Wikipedia showed many different versions, including some modern re-writes along the same lines as mine. This version "Re-gaining Unconsciousness" by punk band NOFX also appears to have been influenced by the poem and is along the same lines as my version:

"First they put away the dealers,
keep our kids safe and off the streets.
Then they put away the prostitutes,
keep married men cloistered at home.
Then they shooed away the bums,
then they beat and bashed the queers,
turned away asylum-seekers,
fed us suspicions and fears.
We didn't raise our voice,
we didn't make a fuss.
It's funny there was no one left to notice
when they came for us."


I do like Half Man, Half Biscuit's songs and here are the lyrics of "turn a blind eye". a song that has previously escaped me "They came for the bungee jumpers, but I was not a bungee jumper so I said nothing" "They came for Eamonn Holmes, and I believe I'm right in saying, I applauded" "They came for Danny Behr. I said she's over there, Behind the wardrobe". I would have said that the Danny Behr reference dates that song pretty exactly to 1994/5 but the song appeared on the 1998 album "Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral", I don't have that one so I cannot check. I fear I may have wandered a little way off of the point of this article but it is Sunday morning and it is my blog.

UPDATE:
From Monday 15 October's Daily Mail "Having installed himself in his local pub to watch England play India, John Vaughan was enraged when the channel was switched over to football just as the cricket was reaching its thrilling conclusion. So Mr Vaughan lit up a cigarette in protest. When he refused to extinguish it, staff pressed a panic button behind the bar. And a few minutes later six riot police officers wearing protective gear stormed the pub."