'Ed Balls (one of our own – although his dad owns his own zoo and he was born in Tory Norwich, Ed moved to the midlands industrial city of Nottingham and developed the beautiful northern accent he uses to destroy Osborne across the dispatch box.) Ed Balls is an economic genius. When he was economic advisor to Gordon Brown he came up with what has to be the most successful economic policy ever adopted in this or any other country. And we have Labour and Ed Balls to thank for it.
Based on George Monbiot’s undisputable theory that people on benefits are more profligate with their money you take three million people in work and put them on the dole. You then increase their benefits, sit back and watch your economy grow. Ah – say the cynics – but what about the three million jobs that nobody is doing anymore? And that’s where Ed’s genius comes to the fore. You sign up to the EU freedom of movement charter and bring in three million Eastern Europeans to do the jobs.
Everyone’s a winner! The Eastern Europeans are happy because they start a new life in a prosperous country; the three million out of work Brits are happy because they get to sleep in late and watch Jeremy Kyle; and the country is happy because our economy grows faster than China’s.'
Satire from Bogpaper?