"TAXPAYERS are to spend more than £30bn buying a majority stake in Al-Qaeda after the House of Lords threw out a key plank of the government's anti-terror legislation.
Prime minister Gordon Brown said that if suspects cannot be detained for 42 days the only alternative was to nationalise much of the terror industry.
Mr Brown said: "This move is very much in line with our current strategy. If all else fails, just buy the fucker."
He insisted the day to day operations will remain with a small group of religious psychopaths working out of a cave in Pakistan.
But the government will appoint at least two non-executive directors to the board including Lord Kinnock and TV presenter Mariella Frostrup.
Mr Brown said Al-Qaeda had taken excessive risks fostered by an 'out of control' bonus culture that included the fragrant daughters of Afghan warlords and thousands of prize winning goats.
Mr Brown added: "If this had happened three months ago I would not have proposed a massive investment in Al-Qaeda, mainly because I would have been out of a job. Thank Christ you're all so easily distracted."
The Treasury stressed Al Qaeda would eventually return to the private sector though officials have not ruled out a merger with Bradford and Bingley."
Monday, 24 November 2008
"This move is very much in line with our current strategy. If all else fails, just buy the fucker."
According to The Daily Mash those were the words of Gorodn Brown as: