Saturday, 24 November 2007

Fiona Phillips

Last week I revealed that Gordon Brown had "offered GMTV's Fiona Phillips a place in cabinet and a peerage. "Mr Brown told the breakfast sofa chat queen she was "a great communicator" and offered to fast-track her into government. Fiona, 46, would have been given a seat in the House of Lords, becoming BARONESS PHILLIPS."" Thanks to Iain Dale we can see that in today's Mirror she puts forward her "very own 10-point manifesto for a Better Britain, which" she apparently wants "to share exclusively with you" Since I think that my readership has little crossover with that of the Mirror, here is her exciting manifesto, just the sort of policies to endear her to Gordon Brown:

"My 10-point manifesto to make us great

1 EXTRADITE Jose Mourinho from Portugal and force him to manage the England team, while boarding at my house (rent free).

2 BAN all titles, including Baroness and Duchess, and scrap the Honours system.

3 SHUT all private schools. What's good enough for the rest of us is good enough for those who think they're better than us. It'll improve education for all.

4 BRING back lost childhood by raising school entry to age seven. Yes I know this'll cause havoc for working mums and dads but, er... let me come back to you on that one.

5 BAN selection in schools - no creaming off the brightest pupils. Local schools for local people.

6 BRING back the right to be a mother by upgrading the status of stay-at-home mums. The majority of mums want to care for their pre-school children but can't afford not to work. Maybe instead of tax allowances for childcare, cash incentives for staying at home? Er... I'll come back to you on that one, too.

7 BAN all private medical work in NHS hospitals.

8 GET rid of contract cleaners and make Matron and nurses responsible for hospital hygiene.

9 RENATIONALISE Britain's rail network. It's never been the same since John Major privatised British Rail, splitting it into over 100 separate companies which resulted in profits over safety and efficiency.

10 PROPER local authority care in the home for the elderly. Reinstate full home-he lp and meals-on-wheels services.

P.S. And, I know it's supposed to be a 10-point plan, but none of us can rest safely in our beds until we...Take George Bush to Iraq and shoot him.

Readers, I commend this to your house. Now I need to go away and prepare for office."

Mmm, inciting the murder of the President of the USA; that may have lost you the peerage.

As ever, Devils Kitchen has a most readable take on this story.

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